'I live my life like I'm being stalked by a sniper': 30+ Cringey and shocking confessions that could only be told anonymously

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Remy Millisky • Writer and Editor
Jan 19, 2023 11:00 AM EST

Who wants to own up to embarrassing things they've done when they could share that info anonymously instead? Certainly the users of @fesshole do! The British-based site is perfect for anonymous contributors to share their spiciest and most scandalous secrets. No one will ever know it's them, and everyone gets to take in the scenario. 

Even if you follow the page already, people post scores of these secrets each day, so we've searched through and found the most interesting ones! I'm particularly a fan of the husbands and wives keeping secrets from their significant others. Somehow, the stakes of their secrets being found out feels especially high! For example, one husband accidentally discovered his wife's wedding vows before their big day and has never told her. Hope she doesn't find out now that he's confessed anonymously!

Up next, find out if you're emotionally damaged — if you relate to these memes, I've got news for you…

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  • 01
    Happy - 'I'm an airline pilot. Sometimes we put the seatbelt signs on just so there's no line for the bathroom when we go out. Sorry not sorry.'
    via Ben White on Unsplash
  • 02
    Font - I bought a 5 pack of cheap Polish sausages from Sainsbury's to eat on my way home and it wasn't until I had completely finished the first one that I realised they were individually wrapped in plastic
    via @fesshole
  • 03
    Font - I've just figured out you're meant to turn the heat setting up on the toaster when making crumpets. I never got why people like them as they always tasted soggy and under cooked. I'm a 42 year old professional chef.
    via @fesshole
  • 04
    Font - My wife was blown away by how beautifully our wedding vows matched - truth is the celebrant accidentally emailed me hers a week before and I used them as my inspiration. I could never match her ability to express love otherwise, but I think it meant a lot to her to think I could.
    via @fesshole
  • 05
    Font - My mum just called me to tell me my uncle died today. I am in absolute shock as I thought he died years ago, and now I'm worried I won't ever be able to ask who was the person that actually died years ago.
    via @fesshole
  • 06
    Font - Chef here. If someone comes in to order a sandwich or burger close to closing or proves to be an awkward customer, I write the word 'c'in sauce on their bread. Little win for me that I can never get caught for.
    via @fesshole
  • 07
    Organism - My wife throws away any food passed its use by date on the dot. I try and make a point of eating it to prove her wrong, and that the date is just a guide. The salmon I ate yesterday has proved her right and me horrifically wrong. I was proved wrong over and over and over again
    via @fesshole
  • 08
    Organism - My partner is a local councillor of some repute in our city. Each election, she always tells me she's glad she has at least two votes each time. Dunno who the second vote is, I've never voted for her.
    via @fesshole
  • 09
    Organism - When I was younger I watched Tom and Jerry a lot and thought I would emulate them and I put some drawing pins in my father's slippers. Imagine my surprise when he came home from work and did not jump as high as the ceiling as Tom did, but grounded me for a week.
    via @fesshole
  • 10
    Font - I'm a single woman, and any time I'm looking for a tradesman, I go on Tinder. Strike up a convo, few dates, job I couldn't get anyone for is done. Plumber, electrician, handyman, works a treat.
    via @fesshole
  • 11
    Organism - When I was 6 I went dinosaur hunting in the back garden. I found a set of bones and rebuilt them on the lawn. When I was done I showed my grandma. She told me they sent it to a museum in London.. It was the family dog before I was born and my grandad reburied it.
    via @fesshole
  • 12
    Organism - Me and my husband eat 99% of the chocolate our children get for xmas/birthdays etc. We tell ourselves it's because we want them to eat a balanced diet but really we are just fat greedy al S.
    via @fesshole
  • 13
    Hair - Just broke a Xmas Decoration putting them away in the loft. Havent told the wife. Will deny all knowledge in December 2023
    via @fesshole
  • 14
    Sky - Used to work on the railway. Fair dodger ran off but dropped his wallet. His £1.50 fare cost him nearly £200. Paid for all our breakfasts.
    via @fesshole
  • 15
    Head - I'm an airline pilot. Sometimes we put the seatbelt signs on just so there's no line for the bathroom when we go out. Sorry not sorry.
    via @fesshole
  • 16
    Mammal - Im embarrassed so say I still have to look at both my hands when describing left or right. Same goes with horizontal and vertical. I have a double masters degree from a top university.
    via @fesshole
  • 17
    Font - I've never felt such relief than when I got a second Nintendo Switch just so I could put a stop to my kids f Animal Crossing. up my island on
    via @fesshole
  • 18
    Font - My wife sent me out to buy a cordless razor for her father's birthday. I knew he did not have long to live, so I chose a really expensive one, knowing full well that I would get it when he died.
    via @fesshole
  • 19
    Font - When I was younger, I once told a bouncer my dad owned the club, trying to blag my way in because I had no ID. Looked great in front of the massive queue and my friends. Got taken in to the "VIP" area. Which was the rear exit. The bouncer turned out to be the owner.
    via @fesshole
  • 20
    Organism - An interviewer once admitted they'd googled me & I said I'd googled her email to see how I could impress. She laughed, asking what I found. I said a vampire TV forum for a show I love too. She seemed embarrassed. Realised later it was an erotic story forum. I didn't get the job.
    via @fesshole
  • 21
    Organism - I'm a librarian who has to shelve books. I cannot remember any of the alphabet without singing through the song in my head. Every single book. Every single letter. It takes forever. I am in my 30s.
    via @fesshole
  • 22
    Sky - My kids refused to clean up their Xmas Lego properly, so I hoovered up bits of it and emptied the bag into the big bin. Let's see them rebuild their Lego city street scene now.
    via @fesshole
  • 23
    Font - I got banned from the Vanish Tip Exchange website for posting fake tips. Highlights included rubbing olive oil into a red wine stained carpet or undiluted orange squash into a butter stain on a polo shirt.
    via @fesshole
  • 24
    Organism - Whenever I go into a shop selling Bluetooth speakers with my son, I hook my phone up to one and turn the volume right up. We then hide and use a fart app and let him play fart sounds through the shop. We both find it hilarious.
    via @fesshole
  • 25
    Organism - I work at an indoor ski centre. If 3 people in a row don't say thank you when I help them on the lift I slow the lift slightly so they get less skiing. It takes 5 consecutive thank yous for me to reset back to normal.
    via @fesshole
  • 26
    Font - My wife loves the fact I've started walking the dog more early each morning. Truth is they've installed a death slide/zipline in the park and I love going on it to start my day.
    via @fesshole
  • 27
    Organism - I live my life like I'm being stalked by a sniper. I always stand just to the side of windows and doors in case anyone is lining up the kill shot and often zig-zag a little when walking along the road. I'm a 54 year old Consultant Ophthalmologist.
    via @fesshole
  • 28
    Font - I'm a director of a firm with 220 employees. I've made redundancies specifically targeting people unable to accept that Secret Santa should be kept secret, and instead interrogate everyone involved. Mentally fragile control freaks. Not regretted losing any of them.
    via @fesshole
  • 29
    Sky - Whenever I'm eating sprouts, I silently pretend I'm a giant eating tiny cabbages I've just stolen from the villagers' fields.
    via @fesshole
  • 30
    Organism - I'm an introvert, but first day into a new job I met a gorgeous girl so acted with loads of energy to charm her. Six months later, nothing happened and I'm exhausted every day trying to maintain the facade
    via @fesshole
  • 31
    Organism - Occasionally I walk around my home with my eyes closed to see if I would be able to cope if I suddenly became blind so far the results: Stubbed toes:16 Smashed foreheads: 5 Shame: none
    via @fesshole
  • 32
    Sky - Designer for a well known brand. All our mens shoes were a size bigger than other standard sizes for a season because I f spreadsheet with the measurements. up the
    via @fesshole
  • 33
    Organism - Years ago a friend was earning/scamming money on eBay by pretending to sell physical DVDs, but in the 'fine print" stated only a JPEG of the DVD case would be sent instead. Earned a few bob in his time. I tried the same, and within 24h was sent a cease and desist by Universal.
    via @fesshole

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